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The first leaves of the fig tree outside my window fell today. Autum is my favourite season. It's kind of sad though. I've been kind of sulky lately, I don't feel I belong in Cuernavaca anymore, and Mexico City is a strange place to me. I don't understand much. Sayuri says it's just a fase, that I'll get used to it. I'm not sure of that. I'm loosing friends and I'm not that good at making them.
I feel as I'm not in this world anymore, everything feels so different, so unstable.
Underneath the night sky...
I think I'm learning to enjoy my solitude. I found this incredible small park in downtown Mexico City, it's one of my favourite places now. I love the time between 5 and 7PM. Everything looks brighter. The world shines.
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Today was a very long day. I had uneasy dreams last night and I could hardly sleep. They weren't nightmares but still they were strange. I think I should think more about the things I do. I'm sometimes rather impulsive, I don't think about the consecuences of my actions.
Today I learnt how photography is the materialization of my sight. Crazy words. I also learnt how in this world things are either an illusion or a de-illusion or however it is spelled. Illusions seduce us, they show us what we want to see but partially. The rest is left to imagination, art is an illusion, it seduces us into a grater thought, feeling, something we don't know, something science can't answer. You can make a subject diminish by taking pictures of itand the photographer himself dissapears by taking the photo, as the only thing he does is see, then the photographer's sight becomes everybody's sight, no ones sight. So photography is quite close to murder.
Haha, good night.
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I'm not sure what I have been doing wrong. Nothing seems to work out properly. I go out, have a wonderful time, and then I come back home. It's here where ir happenes. I feel bad and I don't know why. I slept most of the day, which I hate to do. It's probably because I got home at 6:30 AM. And the day before that at 3:30 AM. I don't think it's that though. I was talking to Tania yesterday and I said to her that I was really looking forward for this part of my life, but now it's not that great. School is perfect, yet something doesn't work. Maybe it's just me.
All I do sucks. Photos, drawing, writting. Blah. I feel empty.
I complain so much about people who neglect small details in every day life that make it better. I complain about people don't caring and walking through life without stoping to hear the sound of their own breathing but nothing of this seems to make life better.
Arrggg. Somebody come and save me. Haha pathetic me.
Windows Vista is abominably slow. Fuck you Bill for selling us such rubbish. Rubbish... I love that word.
Yesterday I had a very warm welcoming to the big city. Some idiots robbed me 20 pesos. I couldn't stop laughing when they were trying to take them from me, 20 pesooooos!
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Today we talked about Hernri Cartier-Bresson at my photo class. He was obsessed with capturig the exact and precise moment. The instant were everything is beautiful and perfect. What I liked the most about him is that he went out and took pictures in the street, at people he didn't know.
I think I'm starting to like photojournalism, I quite like the idea of going out doors and stealing instants of people's days. Our photography profesor said people like Bresson have a certain gift. People let photographers like him take them pictures somehow. He said it is something you're born with, that you can't learn it. I think I'd like to discover if I've got that gift. I'm carring around my camera more, so I've taken more and more pics. I'll post some later.
I did that for school.
Who are you Scratchy???
Do I know you?
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Ha ha ha!
You silly humans!
You think you are at the top of the food chain.
But we have mosquitoes, you see? And virus. And flu.
I know it's a virus shut up.
haha enough bright colours for today
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